Let's Talk About Porn & Sexual Behaviour

Hello curious folk!

In this article/video post, I want to comment on an article that came out in the BBC. It is titled ‘’'A man tried to choke me during sex without warning’’ it was published on the 28th of November 2019

To watch the video version of this text please hit play below.

I am publishing this article because it's really important for me to bring awareness around the issues that adults face when it comes to sex and relationships and to also discuss briefly my point of view when it comes to the narrative that such articles are building. But first I want you read out a few lines from the article. It reads:

‘’Research company Savanta ComRes asked 2,002 UK women aged between 18 and 39 if they had experienced slapping, choking, gagging or spitting during consensual sex, and if it was ever unwanted. The sample was weighted to be representative of all UK women by age and region.

More than a third (38%) had experienced these acts and said they were unwanted at least some of the time, while just under two-thirds of women had either experienced it and said it was never unwanted (31%), or they had no experience, didn't know or preferred not to say (31%).

The Centre for Women's Justice told the BBC the figures showed the "growing pressure on young women to consent to violent, dangerous and demeaning acts".

It said: "This is likely to be due to the widespread availability, normalisation and use of extreme pornography."

Read the full BBC article here

The problem I found is that we vilify porn, and this is actually missing the point. Porn is entertainment, it is exaggerated, it is not how things are in reality. But the thing is a lot of people watch porn, and especially people who have no frame of reference, thinking this is the way it’s done and how it happens. My argument is that it would be the same if we let people watch Fast and Furious and then gave them cars, and never put them through any sort of driving course, theory, and practice etc. The problem is not that porn exists, the problem is that people actually have little to no education when it comes to healthy sexual and intimate encounters and relationships.

This is why I work with adults, because age does not really equate to knowledge. Knowledge comes from learning; it comes from the purposeful and intentional goal oriented learning experiences that we create for ourselves and seek out. So being good at relationships and sex is not about having many or having few; it is about investing time, money and effort into learning about these things.

So what can we do here? We can't ban porn. People would want to watch it regardless of any bans. But we can definitely try to create better porn and also better education for people of all ages and sexualities, because this is what matters. Education is the difference between watching 20 hours of Fast And Furious type of movies and getting a 17-year old into a car and still having Fast and Furious, but giving people education on how to actually drive safely and only then giving them a car.

So what is missing between porn and people having sex is Education. Because

people are not going to stop having sex or watching porn, hence we just need to learn how to distinguish porn from reality and keep educating people how to enjoy themselves and remain safe.

I hope I made my case for Education and I hope you read the article because it's really interesting and it does show the extent of the problem we have in today's society. And trust me it's not just kids that needs sex and relationships education, it’s their parent, grant parents too it’s everyone realistically speaking.

Thanks for reading this article, I hope you enjoyed it. Let me know what your thoughts are in the comments below.